Am I the only one who does this?

Whenever i receive holiday cards, I always arranged them on the mantle. However, a couple of years ago, I decided to have some fun with it. Now, my fiance and I rank them from best to worst on the mantle.

A few things can get you automatically to the bottom of the ranking

1) inclusion of any yearly update letter. We got one this this that was 2 pages front and back designed to read like a newspaper. I know they mean well, but if you didnt mention it to me over the course of the year, I really dont care about it now.

2) The use of any pictures on the front of the card. Usually it is just kids, but we are seeing more and more couples with their pictures on the cover. It looks cheaps and sometimes I even lay the card flat so i don't need to look at your ugly mug.

Most Thankless Job In America

In an effort to be more family friendy, the Chicago Bears (as well as I am sure many other professional sports teams) have created a "Family Section." In this section, no consumption of alcohol is allowed.

Now how is this enforced, you may ask. Just have people checking for cups of beer. Sure, but that is just the beginning. They also have observers who monitor, every time anyone drinks anything to ensure noone is sneaking anything in. If you make the wrong facial expression after taking your sip of Mr. Pibb, you make be booted.

Now what type of person volunteers for this job? Someone bullied as a child, who are looking for authority in the strangest of places or radical who wants to return to prohibition?

Most awkward situation ever...

can anyone top this?

Being stuck alone in a room with your fiance's father watching Sex In the City. Keep in mind the father is a strict catholic and I am living in sin with his daughter.

I visited this past Christmas and learned of his newfound obsession with the show Sex and The City. So my fiance and I decide to give him a copy of our early season DVDs. In the three days, we were there, I believe he watched 14 episodes. The moments when he laughed over dirty jokes, which i am pretty sure he did not comprehend were some of the most awkward of my life.

NFL picks

broke even last year, building some momentume (sure)

• best bet: Washington -2 over Dallas. If the Redskins can make the playoffs, they will make the Super Bowl. They are the best team in the NFC right now
• Ravens +5.5 over Pittsburgh. Big Ben gets worse and worse every week. He will need a big game over the Ravens defense
• Cardinals +7 over Seattle. Just because Seattle has to win, doesn't mean they are going to win. No serious reason Seattle should be this big of a favorite

Bowl Pick

Cal -11 over Texas tech. I would probably pick them if the line was 30. Teams that are upset about being snubbed usually come up huge.

Happy Holidays

And for those who I have not offended yet, Merry Christmas.

West Wing/ Sports night part 2

for more on similarities between West Wing and Sports Night, check out this link

http://westwing.bewarne.com/overlaps/sports_misc.html#elsiesnuffin

Hilary

I got a great question from Question Wonderland today—“Will Hilary be the next President of the United States?” I gave a short answer in the comments section but felt this important issues deserved a longer answer.

First let me put a few issues on the table. I voted for Bill Clinton in his second term and I would have voted for him in his first term if I was old enough to vote. I also voted for George W. Bush twice as well and am glad that I did.

I am not even sure if the Democratic Party would want Hilary to run. She would be a great fundraiser but would not help Democratic in areas where they are not already strong.

My biggest problem with Hilary is the way she consistently changes her views. She had always been against the US involvement in foreign countries, however, over the past few votes she voted for the funding so that she could not be called soft on defense. Less than a week after the election, she gave a speech at Tufts University about the importance of prayer. This is from a democrat? Wasn’t this the same Hilary who opposed references to God in public schools.

But I haven’t answered the original question—Will she win? A lot of it depends on who she runs against. If it is just ultraliberal Howard Dean, then Hilary will have a chance to play the moderate card. However, if Evan Bayh, the popular moderate governor of a traditionally Democratic state enters the primaries, Hilary will have a problem. She will have trouble supporting her political record.

Bayh would also be a more electable in the general election as well. For a democratic candidate to have a chance, they need to be able to win the Midwest as and the southwest. Evan could help to deliver the Midwest, much better than Hilary. I am not even going to address whether John Kerry might run again. The past campaign showcased his complete lack of political record and inconsistency on issues. Kerry has no chance.

Who will the Republicans. I think the most likely candidates are John McCain or Bill Frist. McCain has great crossover appeal and a tremendous military record. If McCain runs, I can’t see anyone beating him. He could sweep the South and Southwest and easily win. Frist would be very strong with the elderly as well as the South. Hilary could have a chance against him.

So will Hilary win? Probably not— Thank god.

Chasing Liberty

If you are in Philly anytime soon, check the Liberty Bell for another crack. With Terrell Owens out for the rest of the season, Phily's own demons should return.

Having living there for about 5 months this year, Philly is the ultimate city with the chip on its shoulder. Its not as big as New York, and doesnt have the culture or recreational options. also, their sports teams havent won a title in a long time. Now with their inreverent star out for the season, their perenniel collapse in the NFC championship game seems inevitable again.

Another sign that the apocalypse is upon us..

If anyone ever meets anyone who has purchased Donald Trump: The
Fragrence, please let me know...

Question wonderland

Stolen from Kate

First, recommend to me:
A) A Movie
B) A Book
C) A song/CD/band

Then: Ask me three questions ... anything you want ... don't be shy ... and I will answer in the comments section.

my favorite one liner

I have a question, Mark?

No kidding, I have a semi colon.

am i asking too much...

those of you who know me well know that i am a stickler for good grammar. One particularly big mistake for me is people who don't know the difference between less and fewer. However, I understand that some people just didnt get a good education. However, WHEN A LARGE COMPANY gets it wrong, i just go ballistic.

At Dominick's yesterday, a large grocery store chain, I notice a sign over the express lanes. "15 items or less" How did this happen? are you telling me that noone in the organzation knows a fundamental point of grammar. Or is the story intentionally appealing to the least common denominator.


I'm not sure which is worse.

NFL picks...

maybe Saturday games will be a good start.

Last week was 1-2, however, my Best Bet won so i count that as 2-2. I picked lots of underdogs even though big favorites cover at 70% in December. This week I will be much more on the side of trends.

• Minnesota and Detroit Under 49
• Washington - 5.5 Joe Gibbs finally has this team moving and should finish the season with some momentum
• Jets -5.5
• Carolina/Atlanta Under 42
• Seattle/ Jets Over41
• Pittsburgh -10.5
• Bears/Texans Over 35 The Bear's defense is really bad and without Urlacher it is a complete joke. The Bears have noone who can come even close to covering Andre Johnson. Also, Chad Hutchinson (having successfully recovered from his Hard Knocks karoake performance with Richmond Flowers) will play some vertical football and this should be an easy cover.
• Atlanta -3.5

First Bowl Picks of the Year

Georgia Tech -5. I really love this game. Syracuse is just horrible and Ga Tech will use this game to build for next year where they can beat anyone in the ACC. Reggie Ball's Heisman campaign will begin in the Citrus Bowl

Its been a while

with really no good reason for posting. Really didnt do very much this week. That's what happens when you really have nothing to do.

I have, however, turned into a night owl for no good reason. I stayed up watching tv or being online until 2 am then waking up round 9. By the time I am read the paper and taken a shower, it is noon. Then I go out for something and it is 2 or 3 and i am tired from a long day. Also, West Wing reruns are the crack of daytime television. Even if i know almost every line I still want to watch. I also spent this weekend once again watching the entire run of Sports night. It is amazing the crossover between the 2 shows. Here is a partial list from what i remember

• Josh Malina
• Lisa Edelstein (sam's hooker friend in west wing and dan's 1 night stand in SN)
• the actress who plays the substitute anchor was Mrs. Barlett's chief of staff
• Janel Maloney plays the assistance wardrobe director in an episode
• Timothy Busfield directs a SN episode
• Felicity Huffman was on WW for a few episodes of the majority leader's COS

I know there must be more. anyone?

nfl picks... exercise in futility

all year been doing well on college, poorly on the NFL. And i already love some bowl games. But maybe since I can focus all my attention on the NFL this week. Things will be better. I didn't pick any favorites which is normally a good thing. Plus I went actually early money and took 2 NFC team in interconference battles.

• Best Bet: Cincinnati/ Pats Over 44. I think Cincy has a chance to win this game and both offenses have been so good. Carson Palmer is showing why he is a number one pick and Chad Johnson is one of the best 3 WRs in the NFL.

• Bears +7.5 over Jacksonville. I think the real value might be on the money line in this game. But the Bears have always been a QB away from being a top team and Chad is the second best Chad QB in the NFL and that should count for something. Plus the Bears are 7-1 vs. the spread when Urlacher is healthy.

• Tampa + 6 versus San Diego. San Diego's Super Bowl was last week. They basically clinched the Division. They alway tried to give the game away. TB's defense will show how inexperienced Brees is plus Brian Griese is getting better every week. Also, my friend Kristin was in love with him during college and called him Big Strong Man Hands. That should count for something.

before i Go on tilt
Posted by Hello

Pink socks

my fiance has about 20 pairs of shoes (even by my own admission not that much) Most of them have been purchased in the past few years. We even got new closets so they fit in all nice. However, she also has a couple pairs of pink socks which are almost as old as I am. She got get in the sixth grade and still wears them and won't get any other pair.

They are really ratting, with some strings at the top (though no holes). I think it is strange that she has so many pairs of shoes on the outside (which everyone can see) but her socks are really old. Maybe it is that she takes comfort in them. Or maybe she thinks it is more important to look good for the outside world. (These socks rarely venture outside the house).

sunday bloody sunday

went to a really bad italian restaurant last night. Its located on the old school of Papagus, which i can't believe closed since i really liked its food. Can't remember the name, just three italian words. Don't think remembering it will need to be that important since i doubt it will be around that long.

The concept was simple enough-- have a fixed price menu sampler various italian cuisine along with your main course. the meats and cheese were OK, but everything else was very below average and the service was horrendous. Not only was it slow but the waitresses constantly matronized me. (example of matronization: "oh darling, since you waited so long i'll give you two pieces of bread.") A meal that started just after 8 didn't end until 11:30.

Beyond the crummy experience was my perception of the horrible business model. (This is probably my inner MBA speaking). We sat at a huge table so you could barely hear someone on the other side and were serviced by at least 5 or 6 different service personnell. If I covered the food service industry, i would downgrade this restaurant in a second. They make poor use of space, have too many wait staff and can't turn tables. Hopefully, this will enable the restaurant to go out of business even sooner. So if you are ever in chicago and are thinking about going to the new italian place on state and ontario, please think again.

On to happier thoughts-- big NFL day today. A bit scared because i like so many favorites today. But here goes nothing

- Minnesota -8 versus Chicago. Chad Hutchinson is starting at QB for the Bears. Read that last sentence again.

- Atlanta Pick versus Tampa. Mr. Vick and Mr. Crumpler with have Hotlanta partying. The bucs have been hot lately, mostly because of great play of Brian Griese. However, this was against teams like the Saints. if past experience means anything, then Bri will be choking big time against a good defense.

- Baltimore -7 versus Cincy. Todd Heap is back and Boller is playing quite well. I also have a funny feeling that Carson Palmer won't be putting up 58 against Ray Lewis. In fact, 58 yards might be an accomplishment. And if Chad Johnson tried to dance on Ray Lewis, we'll have a Jingle Brawl on our hands.

Online poker is so fun...

I think i am getting to good, or at least too knew. I've finally spent some time learning how to play stud. I've always loved stud 8 but stud high is going well which should suit me well since it is easier to find in brick and mortars casinos. Anyway, I am up around $500 over about 6 hours playing 5/10 over the past few days. And it is always the same 10-15 guys in the game. Now whenever I join a full/nearly full ring game, it is down to 2-3 players about 5 minutes after i arrive. Am i really that intimidating? Or better yet, do the players who i assume have much more experience know something that i don't?

Thoughts on football

Kinda sacreligious to bet on the army/navy game but i will. Navy has too much talent, they should easily cover the 13.

Also, I like Colorado and the 23. alot of people like OU because they think OU will run up the score for the voters. But CU is the second most talented team OU will face all year (texas is the first). CU will score alot of points and keep it close.

Dutch Boyd

In case you haven't been there, Dutch Boyd has a great blog and website.

http://www.dutchboyd.com


I know he is much maligned in RGP and other poker web forums for some difficulties that occurs several years ago with an online poker site that went under. He may be guilt of alot of things-- the biggest probably being naivete but fraud is not one of them. I met him in vegas earlier this year and he is a cl assy, funny, self-deprecating and incredibly intelligent guy.

I am confident that any future business endeavor he chooses to pursue will be successful and i would love the opportunity to do so someday.

Gifts

Maybe it is a woman thing. But my mother and my fiance cannot stop giving each other gifts. Cheryl came to visit over Thanksgiving and brought three gifts. I guess as a housewarming gift it is OK to bring something, but three gifts. And today i find out that my Mom sent Cheryl something from LL Bean.

Why? maybe because she was embarassed that Cheryl brought three things for her with nothing in return. Maybe she is afraid Cheryl will change her mind. Who knows? But i think this is a never-ending cycle of giving.

I am a nice guy. Or at least I am told that i have been nice at times. But i have felt the need to overgift. A bottle of wine to a party, yes. A gift to the host if i am the overnight guest maybe. but never anything this bad. In fact, the only times i ever tried to overgift was with girls who i liked more than they liked me.

I've never seen guys do this. maybe i haven't been around enough but i think in many ways female gift giving can be territorial. I remember when a female friend of mine passed the Bar exam a few of my friends were discussing where to send the flowers. should we send them to her office? We decided that it would be inappropriate to send a female flowers at the office because of the way it may be perceived. Would she believe that we were trying to stake our claim to her by sending a gift. If we were dating her, it would definitely be wrong.

This gets me to thinking. Maybe giving gifts is more about the giver than the person receiving it. Maybe the social mores are driving this gifting and the givers wants to proof that they are in compliance.

new address

well here i am again.

My old blog http://markjohnson.livejournal.com let's just say had some issues. I had trouble posting with the interface so i probably let all 3 of my loyal readers down.

Anyway, I am back better than ever. And what a blogging newsday it was. I finally quit my job at Merck today for some personal reason. It was really a long time coming. I don't have anything against Merck or MVD, the Merck Vaccine Division per say. But i think there ar ejust some organizational problems that really won't go away.

Lots has been written about the problems with 30,000 drug reps in this country making calls on 90,000 physicians (some of whom don't even prescribe) each day. It is turning into a battle between the big pharma companies, all looking for that additional share of voice. Or what doctors actually remember. As a result, reps are spending all day waiting in doctor's offices to drop off samples and give their 30 second preprogrammed spiel which is usually ignored. All this really accomplishes is gives physicians too much product and prevents a sale and annoys the physician.

Despite this, the vaccine sales process is even worse. At Merck Vaccine sales reps are responsible for 8 products. However, most physicians have absolutely no say in which product their office will use. Most offices or hospitals are tied to a large contract which dictates which product their office will use. All reps can really do in promote higher utilization is Merck's sole source product. Nice idea, BUT there are STATE LAWS requiring the use of most of these products. So what do the reps really do... i guess now i will never really find out.

Friday night lights

I loved the book friday night light. i love football. I love movies.

However, i hated Friday night Lights. Maybe it was because i knew the story so well. Or maybe because it ruined the vision i had because of changes to the story for no apparent reason. Here are some of the major historical errors that really bugged me.

• -Brian Chavez played tight end, not strong safety.-Boobie was hurt in the preseason, not the opening game against Marshall.-Permian lost the game to Marshall in real life-
• The big game against Carter were the state semifinals, not finals.
• The score was 14-9, not 34-28. Carter did not physically dominate Permanian as the movie depicted.
• the game was played in the rain (which personally i think would have made some very good visuals).-
• There is no evidence that Carter played dirty, though there was a key bad call made by a black official-
• Chris Comer did not shy away from contact as the movie depicts. He was the powerful straight ahead runner that the coaches liked.

Would it have been difficult to assure some accuracy in the movie. Not really. Did it matter that the big game was the semifinals? No. Kinda frustrating. Actualy, i don't think football should have been the point of the movie, though that probably sold some tickets. more time should have been spent on the backstory of the key players other than billingsley.

Wedding

As many of you know, I will be getting married soon. in that spirit, here is an except to one of the best articles about weddings ever. I hope there is alot of action at my wedding. btw, i wish i knew bill simmons in real life. Every day he writes a column, my day is much better

Q: What types of non-sporting events do you bet on? We recently attended a wedding in Atlantic City, and had the following lines in play:
1. Number of bridesmaids: +/- 6
2. Number of ice sculptures: +/- 3
3. Length of church service: +/- 45 minutes
4. Time when first drunk guest makes a fool out of themselves: +/- 9.30 p.m.Any ideas for other events? -- Mike K., Philadelphia

SG: You came to the right place. I've attended so many weddings over the past 10 years, they've all merged together into some sort of drunken haze. And let's face it: Every wedding is pretty much the same. By the time you hit your late-'20s, you could care less about who's getting married; you only want a fast ceremony, an open bar, and a cool balcony or deck outside where everyone can smoke butts.So sprucing the festivities up with gambling. ... I mean, that's inspired genius. Let's assume that we're working with a 5 p.m. wedding ceremony, just for the sake of accuracy. Here are some other things you could gamble on:

1. Quality of the best man's toast vs. quality of the cake (even odds): This one could be especially fun if you wagered heavily on the best man, then he choked in his speech, and you wanted to kill him afterward. And yes, few things in life are more enjoyable than someone screwing up a best man's speech. I can't believe somebody hasn't turned "Worst Best Man Speeches" into its own TV show yet.If your best man looks anything like Stifler, he's a sure bet to screw up the toast.

2. Girl who catches the bouquet hooks up with the guy who catches the garter (10-1 odds): I've only been to one wedding where this ever happened, so the 10-1 odds seem generous here.

3. Groom's horny friend starts grinding on the dance floor with somebody's attractive cousin who isn't 21 yet (even odds): And somebody's mother is always horrified. You can usually see this one coming. As an aside, I was delighted when this exact scenario happened at my wedding. It was a dream come true.

4. Band plays "I Will Survive" (+/- 8:45pm): I hate this song. There's always that one girl on the dance floor who just broke up with someone and gets a little too into the lyrics. Calm down, honey.

5. Token slutty bridesmaid goes after a waiter, band member, or any friend of the groom attending the wedding without his girlfriend (wager $400 to win $100): Easy money. When you mix the emotions of "I'm sad because my friend's getting married and I'm still single" with "I'm horny and drunk" and "Everyone looks good because we're all dressed up," just about anything's possible. They probably can't make these odds high enough.

6. Groom cries or faints during the wedding ceremony (3-1 odds): And here's the worst thing: You can't really make fun of them afterward. It was too big of a moment. So you might as well wager on it.Just wait until these guys take off their jackets and start dancing.

7. Puking or fisticuffs during the reception (10-1 odds): Although these odds drop to 3-1 in the general Boston area.

8. The Mother-Groom dance is "You Look Wonderful Tonight" (20-1 odds): We needed a long-shot wager on here. Imagine the excitement if you had 20-1 on Clapton and those first few seconds of the song started playing.

9. Fat guys dancing without their jackets and sweatstains under their arms (+/- 2.5): Another great part about weddings. Huge, sweeping sweatstains are always funny.

10. The token "couple who's been dating for three years and either need to get engaged or break up" have a huge blowout during the wedding reception (even odds): Not good times. Uh-oh ... I'm having flashbacks ...And the ultimate long-shot bet...

11. Wedding called off at last minute (50-1 odds): It's dark, it's evil ... but a $10 bet wins you $500. More than enough to pay for your tux.

Reality, Poker and Ted Lawson

I think i am starting to finally get reality television. I used to think that the purpose behind reality tv was to showcase people who would never be on television otherwise and try to capture the subtle nuances of everyday life in almost a seinfeld kinda way.

Now, I am starting to see that reality tv is an aspirational medium. Viewers do not want Real reality. But rather, they want all of their wildest fantasies to be fulfilled through the "real" characters. And since these characters are not actors (at least until the series is over), they now become the viewers. People at home want to have a maxxed out pad in Hawaii and party every night and jump naked into the pool when they first meet their roommates.

I think this also explains why reality stars stink as actor. Other than most of them have no discernible talent other than look, viewer no longer think that they can be these people. As reality stars get more popular, they become less real in the view of their fans. if you don't believe me watch road rules Kit on Cold Pizza.This that could me me phenomena also explains the runaway success of poker. Laypeople at home think that if they get lucky, they could stare down Phil Hellmuth or the Devilfish if given the opportunity. T

hese tournaments also inevitably have an underdog or two at the final table. (not surprising since in most 10k+ buyin events, 75% of the field is someone you never heard of.) Poker is successful because of the entire that could be phenomena. Surprisingly, in ESPN's WSOP coverage the final tournament of champions got disappointed rating, even though it had tremendous values and was rather entertaining. Poker diehards like myself watched, but Joe Bob Buchanan in Mizzoula, MT probably wasn't interested. Poker telecasts are never about who wins, but the stories behind the players. Why do you think ESPN had that goddamned "The NUTS" segment.

WSOP of poker's popularity is because of the Ted Lawsons and Gerry Drehobels, not the Doyle Brunsons and Chip Reeses. If you watched the BAY101 event from this year, people were cheering against Chris Moneymaker, the people's champ of the year ago. I guess the same guy winning several times just isn't good TV. one last thought... though it was implied in this rant but not blatently stated let me clear my conscience.

I, Mark Johnson, believe Ted Lawson is the worst player ever to win a WSOP bracelet. thank you, i feel much better now

Some Sunday sports thoughts

• I am as big a NASCAR fan as the next guy. In fact, probably significantly more so than the average person. BUT i just don't get restrictor plate racing. Basically, as long as you keep you car on the track you will be on the lead lap at the end and have a chance to win. So all the first 160 laps is about is trying to avoid a wreck.
• David Akers is not on my Christmas card list. Today, Philadelphia did everything they could not to cover the spread and i ended up with a push (and was lucky) Akers missed 2 short FGs in garbage time and the Eagles let the Bears drive the field in Garbage time.
• Emmitt Smith is too legit to quit. 100 yards rushing and a TD pass against the Saints.
• Quick-- Other than David Carr, name 4 players on the Houston Texans.
• Around 1:30 today, footbal, golf, NASCAR and baseball was on television, yet somehow I felt compelled to watch scrabble. They even had odds to win the game based on certain moves.
• I would pay $25 to watch Phil Helmuth play Mike Matasow headsup in Scrabble.
• My fantasy football QB situation is getting downright ugly. On a team with Michael Vick and Aaron Brooks, I have yet to figure out who to play. I dont even know if i made the right play today since they are both having mediocre at best days.
• Quenten Griffin is prove that not everyone can pile up huge rushing numbers behind Denver's D-line.

Wedding

As many of you know, I will be getting married soon. in that spirit, here is an except to one of the best articles about weddings ever. I hope there is alot of action at my wedding. btw, i wish i knew bill simmons in real life. Every day he writes a column, my day is much better

Q: What types of non-sporting events do you bet on? We recently attended a wedding in Atlantic City, and had the following lines in play:

1. Number of bridesmaids: +/- 6

2. Number of ice sculptures: +/- 3

3. Length of church service: +/- 45 minutes

4. Time when first drunk guest makes a fool out of themselves: +/- 9.30 p.m.

Any ideas for other events? -- Mike K., Philadelphia

SG: You came to the right place. I've attended so many weddings over the past 10 years, they've all merged together into some sort of drunken haze. And let's face it: Every wedding is pretty much the same. By the time you hit your late-'20s, you could care less about who's getting married; you only want a fast ceremony, an open bar, and a cool balcony or deck outside where everyone can smoke butts.So sprucing the festivities up with gambling. ... I mean, that's inspired genius. Let's assume that we're working with a 5 p.m. wedding ceremony, just for the sake of accuracy. Here are some other things you could gamble on:

1. Quality of the best man's toast vs. quality of the cake (even odds): This one could be especially fun if you wagered heavily on the best man, then he choked in his speech, and you wanted to kill him afterward. And yes, few things in life are more enjoyable than someone screwing up a best man's speech. I can't believe somebody hasn't turned "Worst Best Man Speeches" into its own TV show yet.If your best man looks anything like Stifler, he's a sure bet to screw up the toast.

2. Girl who catches the bouquet hooks up with the guy who catches the garter (10-1 odds): I've only been to one wedding where this ever happened, so the 10-1 odds seem generous here.

3. Groom's horny friend starts grinding on the dance floor with somebody's attractive cousin who isn't 21 yet (even odds): And somebody's mother is always horrified. You can usually see this one coming. As an aside, I was delighted when this exact scenario happened at my wedding. It was a dream come true.

4. Band plays "I Will Survive" (+/- 8:45pm): I hate this song. There's always that one girl on the dance floor who just broke up with someone and gets a little too into the lyrics. Calm down, honey.

5. Token slutty bridesmaid goes after a waiter, band member, or any friend of the groom attending the wedding without his girlfriend (wager $400 to win $100): Easy money. When you mix the emotions of "I'm sad because my friend's getting married and I'm still single" with "I'm horny and drunk" and "Everyone looks good because we're all dressed up," just about anything's possible. They probably can't make these odds high enough.

6. Groom cries or faints during the wedding ceremony (3-1 odds): And here's the worst thing: You can't really make fun of them afterward. It was too big of a moment. So you might as well wager on it.Just wait until these guys take off their jackets and start dancing.

7. Puking or fisticuffs during the reception (10-1 odds): Although these odds drop to 3-1 in the general Boston area.

8. The Mother-Groom dance is "You Look Wonderful Tonight" (20-1 odds): We needed a long-shot wager on here. Imagine the excitement if you had 20-1 on Clapton and those first few seconds of the song started playing.

9. Fat guys dancing without their jackets and sweatstains under their arms (+/- 2.5): Another great part about weddings. Huge, sweeping sweatstains are always funny.

10. The token "couple who's been dating for three years and either need to get engaged or break up" have a huge blowout during the wedding reception (even odds): Not good times. Uh-oh ... I'm having flashbacks ...And the ultimate long-shot bet...

11. Wedding called off at last minute (50-1 odds): It's dark, it's evil ... but a $10 bet wins you $500. More than enough to pay for your tux.